so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
