I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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