Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
