Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
worst night to have a conscience
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
