Apparently you make a good broom.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
