She is in my trunk
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
