bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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