maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
