my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
