I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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