I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
