i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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