that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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