Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
