Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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