If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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