Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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