Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
