I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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