You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
