3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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