I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
