uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
