My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
