Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
After tacos, we're chasing women.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
