I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
