Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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