just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
