She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
