is your mom at the bar?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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