do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
