Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
