There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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