I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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