my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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