The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
