She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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