i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
