He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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