Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
