Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
