I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
