I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
