umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
