Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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