You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
