Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How's work?
Spinning.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
