tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
