She is in my trunk
your room smells of hookers.
And success
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So squirting runs in the family.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
