Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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