Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
