I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
